I Thought I Was Going to Die

For those of you who may be new to this blog, Anne (a coworker) and I try to walk at least once a week whenever we can during lunch. Since we’ve both been gone for various reasons for much of May, this was the first chance that we had in about a month to walk together. We intended to go during mid-morning so that it wouldn’t be quite so hot. However, she got caught up in a conference call and we ended up not being able to go until 12. The trail is really pretty well-shaded and a little swampy and jungly, and there was a good breeze, so it didn’t seem so hot while we were doing our two miles, but once we got in the car to come back to the office, I got the shakes and felt like I was going to pass out. It took a fruit roll-up, lunch, and a low fat fudge pop to bring me back to life. My face was also a very deep an embarassing shade of magenta for half an hour.

It ended up affecting me all day…even when I got back home tonight, I felt very melty and flat. It probably doesn’t help that Rhonda the Honda lacks AC and the driver’s window doesn’t roll down, so the airflow that is created by the other three windows is just enough to entirely pass you by. But, I will say, that for those to be the only issues with Rhonda, I am very happy. She gets over 30 miles per gallon, and after having some work done to her, she runs perfectly. Thanks, Wayne and Erin!!

I was thinking today, and this may sound horrible to my church friends, but I’m kind of glad that I wasn’t raised in church. I don’t fault those who are, by any means, but for me, even though I’ve had my share of doubts and uncertainty and “crises of faith,” I can safely say that I’ve never worried about whether I made the decision just because my parents raised me that way. They really didn’t pressure me (probably because they were having their own “crises of faith” (hey, it was the ’80s…wasn’t everyone??), and I came upon Christianity on my own as a teenager, and while I know teenage brains aren’t really capable of making many informed decisions, I do feel like I was able to make the choice for myself, not because I thought that it was something my parents would want.

I felt pretty teriffic for most of the day, although I’m still working my way through this pesky identity crisis. At least I don’t feel like the world is going to end anymore, or like I’ll never get better. And my new phrase right now is “I’m done!” I have decided to be done….done with the trivialities, done with trying to please everyone and feeling inadequate if I’m not able to deliver what everyone wants all of the time, done with pettiness and stupidity, done with worrying about things that don’t matter and things that aren’t helping me move in the direction that I’m supposed to go (whatever that may be….God, step in at any time….). I’m just DONE. It was liberating to say that to myself today when I’d feel aggravation or whininess creep up.

My childhood friend (and hopefully present-day friend) Jessica has inspired me SO much to crochet and maybe even pick up learning to knit again (yes, Jessica, I can make a chain, but that’s about it). However, I realized that I need to spruce up my yarn stash. It’s made mostly of the typical acrylics, mostly gleaned from my grandma or other people who “used to crochet” or had a family member who did. Lots of it is absolutely hideous colors. And I really don’t know what to do with it all. I may practice on my granny squares and see what happens with that. I do love to use the Granny Squares to make patchwork blankets (although that acrylic yarn is WAAAY to rough for a poor baby’s skin). Mostly, though, I’m just thrilled that my fingers are ITCHING to pick up the hook again and make some projects. I have missed the crafty me so much.

I’m also very much newly motivated to get back on the healthy eating routine, and I can safely say that I’ve done well the last two days. I have also exercised both days (although both brought about new feelings of pain and heatstroke).

I think that’s all I have for the night:).


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