Letting Go of the Bull…

It’s funny to me how we can think that we’ve grown past something, only to be showed in very unmerciful ways that we haven’t. I had a recent experience that left me with the very same jealous pit in my stomach as I’ve had ever since I was a teenager, the feeling that I would never be good enough, that my life would never get to be easy and “perfect.” It was over something that I thought I’d made peace over long ago, but the feelings rushed back just as though they had never left, despite my years of growth, years of space, of removal, of accomplishment, of comeing to feel more and more adequate as a human being. I wonder why that happens? I don’t want to be someone who holds on to things, who keeps the same hatred and anger always stowed away to pull out at will.

I had a nice dinner tonight with my friend Donna…we caught up as we hadn’t seen each other for a few months since she, along with her husband and others, have started a new church in the Waxhaw area. It was nice to talk again, to get to be myself and not get overwhelmed with everything around that seems to be spinning out of control.

I spent more time on the cowl today:). WIP (or perhaps CIP) pics will have to go up tomorrow…it’s too dark to take some now. And I’ll probably need to pull out that shawl again soon…it would be pretty crappy to neglect that for my beautiful cowl;).


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