Wounds That Never Heal

Generally, I feel like I’ve been able to get past most of the terrible experiences that those of us who weren’t athletic and/or beautiful and skinny while in grade school had to endure. This week, though, I encountered an event that proved to me that some things one just can’t let go. Some wrongs done by cruel kids scar us far beyond our youth. I felt as though I was right back in middle school, the fat kid with glasses and braces getting picked last for the team and then ridiculed because her softball swing resulted in a foul ball. At least I got up and tried though, and at least I did actually hit the ball.

Anyway, it was just profoundly disappointing to me, not only that I was unable to handle the situation well, but that it seems that those who picked on kids like me also haven’t grown past it either. I really can’t fathom the rest of my life as a giant pissing contest, just as it was in grade school….make sure that you sit at the “cool” table; don’t talk to people who don’t “look” right or who seem to be a little strange…don’t stand up for oneself or anyone else who needs it for that matter. I can’t live that way.

By the time I got to college, I had pretty well come to terms with my personality and sense of humor, and I found tons of people who were the same way, and surprisingly, found that it is possible to be different and get along just fine. I really miss that kind of camaraderie. It’s sad to get out in the real world and find out that essentially, things haven’t really changed much since high school.

Anyway, sorry to have such a bummed out blog:(. We had an awesome night last night with some friends…although it ended with me putting a temporary tattoo on my neck (it’s a skull in a pirate hat), so that’ll be fun to try to hide at church tomorrow. Today’s a lazy day…we’ve just got to go out to get a song for me to sing next week.

Things are brewing in the Weaver household…God’s starting to show us some things, and I think that’s great. I’m also really very excited about starting grad school in January. If nothing else, my unfortunate experience this week solidified my desire to pursue literature and work toward a future there.


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