The Knitting Files, Among Other Things…

I’ve been working like a madwoman on some gifts for an upcoming baby shower (I can’t post pictures yet b/c the blog simultaneously uploads to Facebook and the recipient is a Facebook friend!!). However, FO pics will be posted over next weekend, I suppose. I’ve learned to do some new things and, let’s just say that I may get brave enough to give socks a try soon.

I forgot how much I enjoy the simple act of knitting, of paying attention to each stitch and really enjoying the process of creating something (hopefully) beautiful and knowing that I’m capable of making something good. I also absolutely love how much there is to learn just from choosing a simple project. I chose to make something that I’ve never tried before, and while it got off to a rough start and was frustrating to begin with, to see the final result and see that I was really capable of learning by doing, is an awesome thing. To those of you who read who don’t have a creative hobby, I really recommend finding something that you find something crafty to do; there’s something very self-validating about being passionate about creating something and having it turn out rather well.

It’s been a rough weekend in some aspects; I’ve been feeling pretty dissatisfied with myself lately. Of course it’s not a typical week if I don’t have a healthy dose of self-loathing, that I’m not doing enough, or doing too much, or not doing enough of the right things and doing too much of the wrong things, or that I’m too lazy, or that I feel stagnant, or that I’m angry at my own lack of discipline and my ever-waning sense of self-direction or level of comfort with who I am or how I am. In short, another serious identity crisis weekend. Anyway, after a coffee date with Joey and some good time spent yesterday evening going for a drive out in the country, I do feel a little bit better today.

I think that I’m sometimes excessively hard on myself…it’s got to be all or nothing with me. If I mess up with what I’m eating during the day, I lose the motivation to continue to try to eat healthily. If I end up biting one fingernail, I think that I might as well bite the rest of them off….every tiny mistake seems to be a grevious sin for which there is no remedy. Or, I set these outrageous goals for myself and then get very angry at myself when I can’t live up to them at a hundred percent all of the time.

This week, I’m going to try to be a little less hard on myself and just go through the week and examine where I do that the most and see what I can do about it.


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