It’s funny, I went back earlier and read back through my posts on this blog and it’s so funny how I run in cycles….feeling overwhelmed, out of balance, lacking control, depressed and resentful, etc, and then happy, peaceful, hopeful, etc. It seems to run in cycles with the seasons, which is kind of funny since most people get depressed in the winter rather than in the summer.
I think that summer would be more joyful for me if I had a job where I was in/around the school system and worked on a school schedule. Summer is really just like any other time when you’re in the corporate world, except that it’s really hot and miserable. Eventually, I’ll get there, but for now, I’ll just have to wish for fall to come and cool things off and give us more time to enjoy nature (without worrying about nuclear sunburn, swarms of angry mosquitoes, or nearly-naked neighbors).
Rereading my blogs was helpful, though, because it’s helped me to see that I’ve been through this all before. I was feeling really dissatisfied today, like nothing’s ever going to get better. I guess that actually seeing that I’ve been there before makes me hopeful that maybe it will. I do hate that, even on medication, I’m still struggling with being able to cope with everyday situations. Lately, I’ve not been able to handle much more than going to work and coming home and collapsing in front of the TV, which I know is extremely unhealthy, and it’s not how I want to live.
Some major planning will have to come as to what I’m going to try to do for the remainder of the summer to get my head back in the game and to get life back on the upswing. I am excited, though, because we’re planning two camping trips coming up….one in September and the other in October (with Shannon, hopefully!!).
We’ll get there. I know.