I can’t remember if I showed you guys my desk-skull. I made him a little do-rag so he’d look more badass. I have him sitting in front of my houseplant, and he makes me smile. Incidentally, everyone at my job has a piece of one original plant that my friend Cindy brought. We’ve all been growing them, and they’ve all crawled so much that they’re starting to take over the office. It’s our attempt to make the place less grey and fluorescent. I haven’t named my desk-skull, though. Any ideas?
Anyway, I’m past my mini-meltdown from yesterday, I think. I’ve decided that I’m going to let myself laze around until 10 or 11, and then I’ll hit my thesis introduction full-force. Part of my anxiety over this is that I haven’t had to work on it since February when I got my prospectus approved. Once I got that done, I had to focus on my class (Middle Eastern Lit), and by the time I was done with that, I was in the throes of my “chemical storm” )as my psychologist called it). So, really, the past few weeks have been the first time that I’ve actually been able to get my brain back in gear again. Unfortunately, I’ve forgotten most of what I worked on and now I’m left looking at the blank page and feeling overwhelmed because I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll get over it, though. I’ve got no choice.
One of the major things that I’ve discussed with my psychologist over the past couple of years has been my sense of practicality and how it pushes away anything else. I don’t take care of myself because I’m so busy trying to take care of everything else. My motto has always been, “the world’s not going to quit spinning, and I’ve got to do my job, so I’ve just got to suck it up and get over it.” I’ve been so busy trying to “suck it up” that I forget that it’s okay to take care of myself, that it’s not frivilous to put up Christmas decorations or to want to re-do my living room in earth tones and owls…that knitting isn’t a waste of my time…that a day trip to the mountains to hike is actually good for me.
I’m glad it’s going to be rainy for the next couple of days. It’s always easier to concentrate on writing when it’s rainy outside. I have absolutely no idea why.
On an unrelated note, Joey moved our recliner back into the living room from the office. I think someone else is enjoying it more than he is, though…
It’s just a matter of time before she realizes that I’m not going anywhere today and crawls up into my lap, rendering me incapable of moving but desperately needing to get up to pee.