identity crisis

Functional Adulthood Takes Work. Lots of Work.

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I conquered the top two dresser drawers over the weekend…almost.  I’ve got about half a drawer’s worth of things that I know I need to keep but am not yet sure where to house them permanently.  I’m still counting it a success, though.  Tonight, we conquer the laundry pile.  Our laundry room has been mostly unusable for the past five years or so because we’ve got so much stuff (and clean laundry), so I’m anticipating a great purge is to come tonight.  I swear, our tax return next year is going to rock.

The de-cluttering euphoria is helping, but I’m still overwhelmed by how much work it is to be a functional adult.  We’ve been in “survival mode” for so many years that we’ve forgotten how to take care of ourselves.  I mean, I cleaned the entertainment center before Christmas, and there’s dust on it again.  Ugh.  But, functional adults dust things.  And fold clean laundry.

Bear with me for a bit while I find my blog voice.  There’s so much that I want to do and talk about, but I mostly find myself staring at the screen getting overwhelmed and feeling that I’m profoundly boring.  I don’t cook enough to be a food blogger, I don’t knit enough to be a knit blogger…I don’t have a kid, so I can’t be a mommy blogger.  I’m not a runner (yet), but even if I was, I think running blogs can be a little boring.  As is often the case in life, I’m not quite sure where I fit.

I’ll leave you with a picture of the moon I took the other night; it’s COLD in Charlotte, right now, and they’re even talking about a wintry mix tomorrow night.  I’d be thrilled if we got a little snow.

cold moon

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Sunday, Sunday Sunday (to be read like a wrestling announcer)…

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Another Sunday is drawing to a close.  It was a relatively nice day despite some frustration at church over a couple of different things.  I gave my parents a bound copy of my thesis; it was a win:).  My parents got me lots of nice clothes for my birthday (Wednesday), which are much appreciated since I’m sorely lacking in clothes that fit me at this size.  They also gave me the most hilarious card EVER.

That was from the graduation service at church…I didn’t drive up to school to walk since I did the program online and didn’t know anyone.

So, I’m still feeling pretty frustrated and restless with the way we’re living right now and wanting to live more simply and peaceably…it hit me again at church this morning during the music.  I’ve been having a pretty rough time with music in general since Phil died.  I haven’t listened to it that much (except for a solid month of the Monkees after Davy died), and I’ve lost a lot of my joy about singing altogether.  I used to get really excited when I was asked to sing something.  Now, I just feel kind of blah.  I’m hoping it’ll pass, because I do know that Phil wouldn’t want me to quit just because he’s not here to give me confidence anymore.  I thought about him a lot this morning because 3/4 of the music this morning was stuff that I’d connected with him over the years.

Anyway, enough of that.  I think some changes are afoot, though, because I’m finally feeling frustrated enough to start taking action.  I’ve always been like that…when I was a kid, it would take me foreeeever and ever to get frustrated enough with my room to actually clean it (shut up, Mom and Dad!!! ;)), but when I did, I really went on a spree.  I’m finally getting frustrated enough with all of the “stuff”…the clutter, excess, the diversions and distractions, the emotional roadblocks.  I’m not feeling quite so isolated at work anymore, so I’m pretty much out of the woods as far as mental angst goes at this point.

So, I’m going to make a list of things to accomplish this week (because I always used to love making lists), and then maybe get to it and maybe, just maybe, finish a thing or two;).

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, So Sue Me…

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Life…busy….blahblahblah.  Truthfully, I haven’t felt much like blogging.  A little bit of an identity crisis and some talk therapy later, I’m feeling much better and back to my old self.  I’ve been wanting very much to try to make a run at professional blogging, not necessarily to replace my current income, but, first, to make a difference and second, to turn into some sort of business-y thing.  I love to write and I’ve always felt drawn to it.  So, anyway…all of that to say that I’ve drug out my food blog, Eating Back to Good, again, and I’m refocusing it on something at which I am an expert:  the emotional/philosophical/physical struggle of losing weight.

On a VERY exciting note:  Joey has gotten the paperwork filed to be a BUSINESS!!!  Keep checking Tobacco Road Creations.  We’re working on getting pictures of his prints up, and there will be MUCH more to come (and products other than prints).  We’re going to do our first Antique show in September, the Antiques and Collectibles Show at Metrolina Expo.  From what I saw after visiting last month, I think that we should do pretty well; we have realistic expectations of what our products are worth, so our items will be affordable!  Come check us out if you’re in the area.  If you want more details, you can email me directly and I’ll get something together for you!

Yesterday, we hiked Linville Falls; it was about three miles (we hiked in our Vibrams!!), and it was so worth it.  The view was insanely beautiful.  Here’s just a taste:

And, for those of you who wondered, Shelli continues to be Maven of Mischief of the Weaver Household:

You talkin’ to me??

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

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I’m currently in the car riding home from Ohio…Joey’s GPS on his droid says that we’ve got about an hour and forty five minutes to go.  I’m definitely ready to be home; I miss my Shellikins and I am in desperate need of peace and quiet.  I wish I had taken tomorrow off too, because I think it’s going to take me a few days to get over the whirlwind this weekend has been, which is disappointing since last week was so relaxing with two days to hang with my mom and then early Friday to read and knit and relax and watch some long-awaited trash tv (you are NOT the father!!).  I took The Artist’s Way with me intending to be able to do some of the exercises, but I never got enough time alone to really be able to think about any of it.  I also took a brand new, shiny, never-been touched notebook for my morning pages which remained unopened since I didn’t get any time alone to do those either.

I’m looking forward to this twelve weeks to try to rejuvenate my creativity; I had it explained to me recently (by someone in the head-shrinking business) that some of my emotional issues these days come from the fact that I shut out the creative side of myself because that’s also the emotional side of myself and I have spent several years trying to avert any kind of emotional trauma by not feeling much of anything at all.  I’d never had it explained that way…I’ve just been wondering all this time why I can’t write poetry anymore and why I don’t have creative ideas like I used to (and also why I’m so cynical).  So, now that I have the anxiety/depression issues taken care of by some much-needed pharmaceudical help, I’m going back through The Artist’s Way (and I WILL finish this time) to try to reconnect with the part of myself that I’ve lost over these past eight or nine years that I’ve spent in emotional “survival mode” because of some pretty painful life events.

On other, less personally-emotionally-charged-psychobabble notes, there has been car knitting:

 

CABLES!!  I’m knitting cables!!  Funnily, I realized about a hour into the trip that I forgot to pack a cable needle.  I almost decided not to try cables, but I found a stitch holder (read:  giant, honking safety-pin looking thing), and I made do with it.  It’s actually worked pretty well.  I tried cabling without the CN once, but I almost lost a stitch, so we probably won’t be trying that again for a while.

Joey got his photography in:

 

We’ve got something in the works regarding this; I’ll go into more details later:)

And, my absolute FAVORITE blogger, Heather of Heather Eats Almond Butter just announced that she’s expecting!  Congrats, HEAB; if you’ll send me a mailing address, I’d love to send you an original handknit for your Heablet:)

On the food front, it’s been a terrible food weekend; on the way down, I had a Subway ham flatbread with veggies, too much Chex Mix, and lots of coffee.  Breakfast yesterday was at Bob Evans and dinner was at Cracker Barrel (where I actually saw a group of prom kids coming in for our prom dinner.  Ohio truly is a different world, for sure).  Dinner tonight was had at Wendy’s.  I’m over the fast food, and, after just now easing back from the Primal thing, I’m tired of fatty food…just tired of it.  Tomorrow, I’m thinking about doing a green monster for breakfast and a salad for lunch and then going from there.  My stomach is upset with me and I’m feeling fat, to say the least.

I’m not sure if we’ll hit the gym tomorrow; if we don’t, I at least want to do a couple of miles around the neighborhood.  My joints are screaming from sixteen hours in a car over two days.  And all of this driving through the mountains has made me want to go HIKING!! 🙂

“Ta” for now, folks!

The Blur That Was 2009

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This year:

  1. I started graduate school and completed five classes, getting straight A’s in each.
  2. Joey and I went to the beach for a short weekend getaway.
  3. We spent every moment possible hanging out with James before he left for Iraq for the year.
  4. I made a lifelong friend in Shannon and we got to be a part of the Garzoni family.
  5. We camped in July and October, the latter in tents and with sleet.
  6. I sprained my ankle.
  7. We took James to Indy to report for duty and, for the first time, I had to say goodbye to a friend as he went off to war.
  8. I learned to knit cables.
  9. I finally got control over my depression and anxiety and found out that I’m stronger than I think I am.
  10. I made an almost-100% handmade Christmas.

I also started a food blog, started writing as a featured publisher for FoodBuzz, and I started writing for Examiner.com as Charlotte’s Frugal Living Examiner (yes, I’ve been super-slack this month).  And, one of the most important things that happened this year was that I became a vegetarian after we lost Lady in February.

Time always goes so much faster than you want it to.  I’ve noticed this already…last month, Joey and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary.  My ten-year high school reunion (which I couldn’t attend) was this past weekend.  Ten years.  I don’t feel that much older.  I don’t feel like my family is that much older.  It all went so fast.

However, this year, I think I’m ready for 2010.  While I am proud of what I was able to do in 2009, I also left a lot undone:

  1. I was not successful in my diet/exercise endeavors and, in fact, gained ten pounds this year.
  2. I continue to procrastinate at school, which makes me feel like I’m squandering a huge opportunity I’m being given.
  3. I let my frugality go for the sake of convenience…takeout, the grocery store near the house, etc.
  4. I did not declutter my house.

So, there are things that I want to tackle in 2010…a list will come later, but I know that I’m ready to let 2009 be the past and to jump headfirst into 2010.