I never appreciated how wonderful silence is until I ended up in a lifestyle where I almost NEVER have any. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like if/when we have children. I thrive on it…especially now that I’m in recovery from depression/anxiety. When I was at my worst, silence was terrifying, because it allowed all kinds of awful fears and “what if” scenarios to creep into my mind, things which I couldn’t get out of my head, no matter what I tried. TV was always a good escape as it kept my mind from roaming too far, but I couldn’t bear to be alone with my own thoughts. Now, I can really appreciate the silence without fear; I can sit alone in my car at lunch without the radio on and just the whisper of the fan blowing cool air on me and knit and think about things I want to do, goals that I have, and things I need to change without the constant, nagging fear that I’m dying of cancer or something horriffic like that. It’s times like those when I really DO feel like the year of treatment has been worthwhile.

So, remember my comment yesterday that the b-nut squash isn’t so good roasted in bigger chunks? It was waaay too soggy and really had a “squashy” taste rather than a sweet taste (like a sweet potato). I really didn’t know what to do; I only ate about 1/3 of the squash yesterday. Joey forced some down and I put the rest in the fridge. So, I thought that I’d try adding it to oats and see if it improved any. Today, I packed some dry rolled oats (3/4 cup) with ground cinnamon, allspice, and cloves. I added some hot water (probably just 1 cup) and the (peeled) roasted b-nut. I also dumped in a couple of packets of Sugar in the Raw (not ideal, but it was the most natural option). The end result?

It may look a little weird, but it was actually pretty good. The squash was more pumpkin-y rather than squash-y, and it was really filling and satisfying. Now, I have two ways to eat the rest of my b-nut squashes:).

Then, at 1, I commenced “car-time.” I didn’t know if I’d feel like napping, so I took my knitting with me. I’ve finished the front, and so I needed to go back and knit the 8 inches up the back before seaming the top and then picking up for the sleeves. I got maybe five rows done and then tired of it and put it away. I’ll probably work on it some more tonight, though!

Then, “car-knit” time turned into “car-book” time. I started on this:

It’s our next assignment for Ethnic American Lit. It looks like it’s going to shape up to be a good read. I read the first few pages, and then got tired, so I laid back with about 30 minutes left and had a little nap. I really do cherish that time to not be bothered. I think that, when it gets too cold to stay in the car, I’ll probably have to save up so I can walk across to Caribou and sit in there for a while. It’s just so nice to remind myself that there really is a world outside of the office, that beautiful things still happen and that the world is still turning out there. When you’re in a cubicle all day, it’s so easy to lose sight of that; you live by the clock, and without the ability to see much out a window, it’s difficult to really get a grasp on the progression of the day. Sometimes I really wonder about American Society and the ideals that it has instilled in people.